He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
