Capitaan dildo arrescate!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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