Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
