Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
