I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Mom said you looked used
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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