Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize