Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm like, not good at living.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
