i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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