i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
