Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
