I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
