I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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