420 ftw
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
