Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
