I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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