Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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