Your face is a jimmy john
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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