just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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