Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
