There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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