i think my tv is drunk
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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