hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize