When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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