I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
