She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
