spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So many bounce houses so little time
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
