I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
