Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
