Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
