Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
