dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
