I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
