I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
