My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
