Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
