Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
