just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
