you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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