your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
