i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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