Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
