It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
