Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
