So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
