I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize