Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So squirting runs in the family.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize