summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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