she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
