sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
