I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
