So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
