How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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