does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
