I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
