gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
