I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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