He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
