He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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