I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
