what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
