I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
