walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
