you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just had sex bonerless
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
