The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
