i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Houston, we have a blender
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
