After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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