just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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