im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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