i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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