I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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