WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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