i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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