haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
kristin has been a bad kristin
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
