Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
