what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think people are normalizing furries
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
