Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
