im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
