Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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