Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
