I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
