Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
