its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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