you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
