I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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