Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize