Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't put those talents on a resume
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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