I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
