I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize