If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
