I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
