When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize