Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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