Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize