why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
