he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
