those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize