i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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