the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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