on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
